PointGuard

Christine Rozniak, City Council member and realtor: CR: It’s so nice to be back with you, Bret. BV: Yeah, you were on the East Coast a long time, Christine. How was Boston? CR: Vermont was great! BV: Vermont? I thought you said you were going to Boston. CR: Err, I said Boston, Bret. You must have mis-heard me. BV: Did you go to the aquarium? CR: The aquarium? BV: Yeah, the one right downtown in Boston. CR: Oh Bret, no I didn’t have time for anything like that. I was kept too busy with, uhhh, business. (Quickly changing the subject) It sure seems like you and your staff have been fielding all sorts of issues. I heard the interviews of two of your assistants. The only one that doesn’t seem to be in the news is your other assistant, Lawrence Montgomery. What’s he been up to? BV: (Laughing) Heck if I know. He’s a pretty insular guy and he’s on the road much of the time doing his scouting duties. His eyes are so bad that he wears glasses that must way about 10 pounds. With those big glasses he sort of reminds me of the old Chicago Cubs baseball announcer, Harry Caray. I’m just happy they correct his eyesight enough for him to drive and to see the games and players from the stands. I didn’t know you knew who my assistant coaches were, Christine. CR: Oh, you know me, I’m good with names. So Lawrence Montgomery is a free-lancer? BV: Why the interest in Lawrence, Christine? But to answer you, no, he’s not a free-lancer. He goes where we tell him and does what we need. CR: Oh, Bret. It’s not that I’m so interested in your assistants. It’s just that I want to know as much about YOU as I can. And knowing about your staff helps me understand you. BV: You’re a strange woman, Christine. CR: (Winking) Ohhh, I thought you liked my “strangeness”, Bret.

Player statistics after 18 games (2/3 of way through season):

Kevin Gebbers, 3rd Asst Coach: Game #18, Jan. 20, 2014: Idaho State Bengals (9-8, 2-4) at Eastern Washington Eagles (5-12, 3-3) After winning 6 of their first 7 games this season, the Bengals have struggled. While their scoring is pretty evenly distributed, their perimeter players have keyed their offense. PF Cory Davis will be unavailable tonight since he sprained his finger in practice. The lead in the first half bounced back and forth, but we came away with a 37-34 lead. Even though we turned the ball over 11 times, we shot and rebounded better than the Bengals. Coach Vandergard raised hell during the halftime break about turnovers. We continued to shoot and rebound well in the 2nd half plus we controlled the ball better allowing us to steadily pull away from Idaho State. Our defense held the Bengals’ shooting to 40% while we knocked down 58% of our shots. We controlled the boards 28-19. Final Score: Eastern Washington (6-12, 4-3, 2nd place tie)—80, Idaho State (9-9, 2-5)—62. Leading Eastern Washington Players: C Michael Taylor-12 pts, 3 reb, 2 assists, 2 steals; PF Delawn West-12 pts, 4 reb, 1 assist, 2 steals; C Joseph Palmer-11 pts, 3 reb, 1 assist; SG Shawn Jackson-11 pts, 1 reb, 1 assist, PG Robbie Taflinger-9 pts, 2 reb, 5 assists. Player of the Game: PF Delawn West-12 pts, 4 reb, 1 assist, 2 steals. Tim Dove twisted his ankle midway through the first half and sat out the rest of the game, but should be ready to go for our next game. Cory Davis’ sprained finger is likely to keep him from playing for another game or two.

Ken Black, sports editor for the Tacoma Sentinel: KB: Thanks for returning my call, Coach Vandergard. BV: Glad to talk with you, Ken. And thanks for the kind words. I’ve not been getting many of those the past couple months. KB: I really would like to know about your relationship with Phil Rizzuto and why it went sour. BV: Holy cow, it’s really a rather short story. My grandfather grew up in Brooklyn and knew Phil “Scooter” Rizzuto, who also grew up there, when both were young. They became good friends. When I was born, my grandfather persuaded my parents to get Phil Rizzuto to be my godfather when I was baptized. While I never really knew him well and only met him a couple times, my grandfather was really proud that Scooter was my godfather. I do recall Scooter telling some funny baseball stories, but that’s about it. And our relationship never “went sour”. It just ended…in 2007. It ended when Phil Rizzuto died on August 13, 2007. KB: You never had a falling out? BV: Like I said, I only knew him a little bit. I wish I had known him better, but he just agreed to be my godfather to fulfill the wish of his friend, my grandfather. KB: Good luck with the rest of your season, Coach. BV: Thanks, Ken, I'm going to need it.

Corky Branigan, KSPK,Radio Commentator: CB: Hey sportsfans, it’s the Corkster here. And tonight, I have not only one, but two, guests from the Eastern Washington State Eagles basketball program. After your Corkster called EWU about comments on the Bayou La Batre Evening News and on the SportsShadow.com blog, the college sent over for your listening pleasure, 1st Assistant Coach Jamal Smith and 3rd Assistant Coach, Kevin “Goober” Gebbers. So, let’s get right to it. Tell me guys, what’s the skinny on your recruiting the Maryland high school phenom, Chris Lewis? JS: We’ve been very open about goin’ out tah meet with high school players an’ high school coaches this year. As everyone knows, we don’t have any scholarships tah offer, but since Coach Vandergard an’ all of us assistants are new at EWU, Coach V has wanted us tah get tah know recruitin’ areas an’ high school coaches. We’ve therefore used some of our recruitin’ budget tah get out inta the field, get experience talkin’ with high school seniors, an’ meet an’ get tah know high school coaches. We’ve always been very upfront tah all of them that we will NOT be offerin’ any scholarships this year. CB: OK, but how does this all relate to Chris Lewis in Maryland? JS: From my previous basketball experience, I got tah know a great high school coach in Maryland. His name is Gonye East. He has some excellent contacts with coaches in an’ near Maryland, so Coach V agreed that I should go out tah Maryland an’ make contact him in because he may give us an entree intah east coast basketball. When I was there I met his star player, Chris Lewis. Chris is goin’ tah be a big star in collegiate ball, but not at EWU. Obviously we couldn’t recruit him this year an’ even if we could of, it’s unlikely he woulda given us much consideration since he’s had all the big-name programs beatin’ each other up to sign him. CB: Yes, but that doesn’t explain how his father says he was offered a bribe, a Cadillac to be exact, to have Chris sign with EWU. What’s up with that? KG: I guess that’s where I come in, Corky. I was in the office one day when a call came in. The guy said his name was Ja’Rome Lewis and he was the father of Chris Lewis. He said he wanted to talk with Coach V or our recruiting assistant. I told him neither was in and he started rambling. To be honest, I’m not Creole or Cajun, and I really couldn’t understand much of what he said. Maybe if Coach Smith, here, and his sweet southern accent had been there he could have understood him. But, anyway, I do recall Mr. Lewis saying that he lived down south and his ex-wife and Chris were living up in Maryland. Mr. Lewis also went on and on about having had a cattle ranch in the past but that it was all taken away from him by the government or something. It all was pretty confusing, but he said he was hoping to get back into ranching. Well, the more he talked the more confused I got, and finally I just decided to end the call and said, “Well, Mr. Lewis, I hope you get your cattle back.” I then said good bye. There was never any mention of a “Cadillac”, just my wish that he was able to get back into ranching and get his “cattle back.” CB: So, the two of you are saying you never offered either Chris Lewis or his father, Ja’Rome Lewis, any type of consideration whatsoever. JS and KG (in unison): Absolutely not. CB: OK, sportsfans, there you have it. Direct from the horse’s mouths. There was never any enticement (also sometimes known as bribes) to Chris Lewis or his family by Eastern Washington coaches to try to get him to come to play basketball for the Eagles.

Bret Vandergard's office voice mail: Ken Black, sports editor for the Tacoma Sentinel here. You've been getting a raw deal, Bret. No one this side of the Rockies believes any of that crap. I truly hope that you can turn the team into a perennial contender. I know it might not be fair to ask, but because its my job, I have to ask anyway: Would you consider giving me an exclusive interview about your relationship with Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto and your side of the story about when that relationship first went sour? I think the fans are very interested in hearing your side of the story, and I promise to be fair. (Copied from CoachC's posting in WolverineStudios Forum)

Bayou La Batre, Alabama Evening News: BLB: We are here speaking with Ja'rome Lewis, father of University of Maryland standout freshman Chris Lewis. Good Evening, Mr. Lewis. JL: Yeah, dat be good/ BLB: Recent reports have claimed that may have been some illegal tampering with regards to your son prior to his signing his LOI with Maryland last spring, JL: Yeah, dey done be done be saidin' dat. BLB: Any truth to the allegations? JL: Alligators? Where? BLB: No, sorry, I was mistaken *rolls eyes* What I meant was, do you have any knowledge that your son, Chris Lewis, was offered any sort of non-NCAA sanctioned enticements to enroll at Eastern Washington University just prior to Chris' signing with the University of Maryland. JL: Well dat guy dey calls Gooch, he said "unintelligible" cadillac "unintelligible" so dat's dat! BLB: Interesting information on this *unintelligible* from....(rest of broadcast knocked out by Hurricane Herman) (Copied from CoachC's posting in WolverineStudios Forum)

Jim Rome: (somewhere in a motel room in western Vermont) CR: Ooooh...Nobody makes me feel the way you do! JR: Rome is burning! You promise to keep feeding me with information? You will keep feeding ...me...with ...information? CR: Does it have to be factual? JR: No, that's just an upgrade. Tell me more about Lawrence CR: Not now....not....right now JR: Rome is burning! (Copied from CoachC's posting in WolverinesStudios Forum) SAY IT AIN'T SO, CHRISTINE....SAY IT AIN'T SO!

Grins and bears Tim's pun!

I guess you could say that Montana win... *puts on sunglasses* ...was pretty grizzly. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! (Copied from Tim Moungey's comments in Wolverine Studios forum)

Spokane Spokesman-Review article: Game #17, Jan. 17, 2014: Eastern Washington Eagles (4-12, 2-3) at Montana Grizzlies (7-9, 2-3) Montana opened the season by winning 5 of their first 6 games, including a big win over #8 Missouri. But then they lost 6 straight games. They split their last 4 games by winning at home and losing on the road. While they didn’t have anyone averaging in double figures, 4 players were averaging between 8.4 and 9.6 ppg. Their best shooter was SG Jay Meade. The Eagles came out on fire, hitting over 50% of their shots in the first half while limiting Montana’s shooting to 30%. They built a 12 point lead and finished the first half with a 36-25 lead. Montana turned the tables on the Eagles in the 2nd half, and steadily cut into their lead. The Grizzlies, behind the shooting of Jake Anderson took a 54-49 lead with 5 minutes to play. But Eastern Washington clamped down defensively to come back and tie the game at the end of regulation, 59-59. Both teams poured in points in the overtime, but the Eagles pulled away in the final 90 seconds to win by 5 and pull off an upset on the road. Ultimately it was Eastern Washington’s dominance on the boards (39-22) that made the difference in game. That led to a 16-2 advantage in 2nd chance points. Asked about media and fan flack about him, Coach Bret Vandergard responded, "Hey the story tonight is how well our team played together. We not only got good performances from all 5 starters but also from Brian Dearman and Delawn West coming off the bench. I was particularly pleased by how well we positioned and fought for rebounds." Final Score: Eastern Washington (5-12, 3-3, 4th place tie)—76, Montana (7-9, 2-4)—71 (OT). Leading Eastern Washington players: C Joseph Palmer-15 pts, 6 reb, 3 blocks; SG Shawn Jackson-15 pts, 2 reb, 2 assists, 2 steals; SF Delawn West-12 pts, 2 reb, 2 assists, 2 steals; PF Brian Dearman-4 pts, 9 reb, 1 assist, 3 steals; SF/PF Terence Hillier-3 pts, 7 reb, 5 assists, 2 steals; PF Cory Davis-9 pts, 3 reb. Player of the Game: C Joseph Palmer-15 pts, 6 reb, 3 blocks.

Torbern “Swede” Olaffson, Athletic Director: (Hearing the knock on his closed door): TO: Come in. Oh…..hi Brett. Were you able to make the phone call? BV: Yes, Swede. TO: So what is the mystery? BV: Before I could say anything about “the Jim Rome vendetta against Brett Vandergard”, I had to talk with my sister, Annika. TO: Really? And why is that? BV: Well, this whole thing goes back a number of years. But before I tell you, I need to get a promise from you that this conversation never goes beyond this. No mention of it to anyone else. TO: Hmmmm. Well, Brett that could work to your detriment, but OK. BV: Thanks, Swede. So here it is: Annika used to work for Jim Rome right after she got out of college. She began as a gopher but then he had her doing research for him. But Jim thought her employment should include other things. It began as just kidding and suggestive remarks but then went beyond. Annika was uncomfortable with the kidding and remarks but when an escalation was expected as a requirement for continuing employment, she balked and told him where he could shove it. They parted ways, but Annika decided to file a sexual harassment suit. After doing that, things really got ugly. Jim Rome hired a group of high-price lawyers and they basically beat up on Annika. She just didn’t have the financial wherewithal to fight his hired guns. Finally she just decided it wasn’t worth it and dropped the suit to get on with her life. She went back to school and got a teaching degree. She’s been teaching science courses at a great high school since then. But apparently Jim Rome feels that it’s not over. So one way to get back at her is to go after me, I guess. I’m not surprised since I know he’s a complete ass. But I just decided to just let him expel his venom without saying anything to anyone. Because I knew that doing so could drag Annika into it. It was only when you demanded some answers that I decided to talk with Annika. She definitely doesn’t want to talk about it or get her name involved in all this because it could cause her some big waves with her present job. But she did give me the OK to talk with you…and only you. So my bottom line is…F__ Jim Rome. I’m not going to bite on the bait he’s dangling. While I hope you understand, if that causes you problems, you can do whatever you feel you have to do with respect to me. I’m here in this job because of you and I appreciate what you’ve done for me. But I will completely understand if you have to you have to quiet the storm by firing me. TO: Well, I met Annika when she was visiting you earlier this season and I like her and know her to be a straight-shooter. Hey, I agree…F___ Jim Rome. You just focus on the basketball program and creating some success in the future. I’ll handle the flack that comes in from Rome, the fans, the alumni and the rest of the media. BV: Thank you very much, Swede. My intent is to re-build the program here but to do it in an honorable way. TO: Speaking of that, what’s up with the SportsShadow blog about wasting energy on an East Coast high-flying recruit? BV: Well, he’s right…at least partially. We did expend funds and time on a guy from Virginia. But Jamal has previous ties with the kid’s coach. While we can’t sign the kid since we have no scholarships, I felt it was wise to let Jamal foster the relationship with the coach since it could give us inroads to recruits in future years. That coach is highly respected back there so keeping good ties with him not only opens things at his school but gives us an “in” to other high school coaches. And we were up-front with both the coach and his player that while we were highly interested in him there was no way we could sign him. We absolutely did not lead either of them on. TO: Alright, I understand. But you know, you can keep me advised of what you’re doing. I’m typically going to let you run your program as you see fit, but need to be in the loop. BV: Yes, that makes sense, Swede. I’m sorry for not communicating as well as I should have with you. TO: Now get out of my office and get those players of yours focusing on basketball and putting a few wins on the board for us.

Annika Vandergard, Brett’s older sister: AV: Hey, Brett, it’s been a long time since you’ve called. So nice to hear from you. BV: Hi Sis. I wish it was a pleasant family call, but it isn’t. Are you sitting down? AV: Brett…you have me worried. What’s going on? BV: I’m sitting outside the Athletic Department office calling you on my cell. Have you heard what’s going on here, Sis? AV: Sure Brett, my life revolves around the rolling hills of Eastern Washington. What are you talking about? BV: I’m not going to go into everything, Sis, but it all starts with Jim Rome. AV: Oh my God! Not that son of a bitch! BV: Yes, Sis, the one and the same. AV: I thought that was all behind me. BV: Well, it should be. But the guy’s psycho. And vindictive. AV: And just about every other negative term you can apply to a low-life son of a bitch. BV: Hey Sis, I hate to open all of this again for you, but I need to talk with my AD and wanted to get your permission before doing so. AV: Bretttttttttt, I really don’t want to talk about any of that again. Look, do what you have to do. Yes, you can talk with your AD, but I don’t want to have to talk with him or anyone else about this. I’ve got a good teaching position now and I don’t want it jeopardized by rumors, innuendos, misinformation, or the typical bull-s__ that comes out of that son of a bitch’s mouth. And yes, "that son-of-bitch" is the ONLY thing I call him. He has NO name other than that for me.

Cool! The more the merrier.

Torbern “Swede” Olaffson, Athletic Director: TO: For F__’s sake, Brett, what have you brought down upon my shoulders? I’m an AD at a piss-ant low-profile college in the middle of nowhere. I’m not getting paid the big bucks that an AD would get at a high profile program. I shouldn’t be getting bombarded by all these calls alleging you’re doing all sorts of sordid things. You gotta get your F__ing act together and settle things down. S___ flows downhill Brett and I’m gonna let it flow right on down from ME to YOU! So, what the F___ is going on, Brett? BV: Hey, Swede, I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve just been trying to figure out ways to get the team playing better. TO: Brett, listen to the F__er Jim Rome once in a while for C___’s sake. Don’t bury your head in the sand. H__! You wanna know what’s going on? (Calls out, “Nancy, get me the recordings of all those calls that have been coming in here.”) (Swede and Brett listen to the series of calls) TO: Well, Brett, so what do you think of all that? What’s going on with the program that the NCAA could be interested in? Why is Rome after your butt? Why are our fans getting all riled up? What’s going on in your private life that is causing people to talk? Are you bringing women into the locker room? BV: Swede, this whole thing is in the mind (or what’s left of it) of Jim Rome. You know as well as me that he’s just a hack who has made a S__-load of money by creating issues and inflaming those in the minds of his idiotic listeners. TO: Oh come on now! I didn't just fall of a turnip truck. You think Jim F___ing Rome just put a bunch of names in a hat and picked yours out to dump all over? Hey, if he wants to create a firestorm, don’t you think he’d pick a coach or program at a place SOMEone in the U.S. of A. has heard of? And that wouldn’t be Eastern Washington University! Give me a F__ing break! Why are you, a first year coach at a perennially losing basketball program in the middle of Eastern F__ing Washington on his S__ list? BV: OK, OK, OK. But before I can tell you, I need to make a phone call....... (to be continued....)

Nancy Parker, Athletic Department Secretary: (Watches the disheveled Brett Vandergard hurriedly enter the Athletic Department office) NP: Brett, it’s about time you got in here. Why didn’t you come in by 8 a.m. like Swede told you? BV: Nancy, it’s a long story, but Christine accidentally erased the phone message and I never knew Swede even wanted to meet with me.” NP: Christine? You mean Christine Rozniak? Brett, Brett, I don’t mean to tell you your business. But I know you’re a good guy and that woman has a long history in this town. You’re walking on thin ice if you’re hanging out with her. But enough of that…Swede’s on a rampage and every minute later we waste talking is just going to get him spitting nails further than he already is. BV: OK, thanks Nancy. NP: Swede, Brett is here. (A voice from inside the AD’s office: “NANCY, get him in here NOW!!!!”)

Nancy Parker, Athletic Department Secretary: (Watches the disheveled Brett Vandergard hurriedly enter the Athletic Department office) NP: Brett, it’s about time you got in here. Why didn’t you come in by 8 a.m. like Swede told you? BV: Nancy, it’s a long story, but Christine accidentally erased the phone message and I never knew Swede even wanted to meet with me.” NP: Christine? You mean Christine Rozniak? Brett, Brett, I don’t mean to tell you your business. But I know you’re a good guy and that woman has a long history in this town. You’re walking on thin ice if you’re hanging out with her. But enough of that…Swede’s on a rampage and every minute later we waste talking is just going to get him spitting nails further than he already is. BV: OK, thanks Nancy. NP: Swede, Brett is here. (A voice from inside the AD’s office: “NANCY, get him in here NOW!!!!”)

Torbern “Swede” Olaffson, Athletic Director: (STEWING) (Receives phone call from Brett Vandergard at 9:30 am, the next morning) T.O.: G__ D___ it Brett! What the F___ is going on? I told you to be in here at 8 a.m. sharp! J___ C___, you’re pissing me off! I don’t know why the H___ you think you can just disregard what I tell you. Did you forget I’m your boss? B.V.: Swede, what are you talking about? T.O.: Do you even listen to your F__ing phone messages, Brett? B.V.: I’m sorry, but actually, your phone message got accidentally erased. T.O.: Yeah, and the dammed dog ate my homework. Look, get you’re A__ in here to my office pronto! You’ve got some explaining to do and we’ve got some F__ing damage control to work on. (SLAMS down the phone. The hand set splintering with pieces shooting around the office.) (Stomps outside his office…NANCY! I need you to get me a new phone.)

Christine Rozniak, City Council member and realtor: CR: “Hey, Swede left a sort of rambling message for you, Brett.” BV: “What the hell, Christine? You listened to the messages on my answering device?” CR: “Ohhhh, I just noticed the blinking light and since you were in the shower thought I could help you a little.” BV: “Geez, I think I can take care of my own messages, Christine. I don’t need a secretary.” CR: “Oh come on now, Mr. Cranky. And you think of ME as a sexretary, errr I mean secretary?” BV: “Alright, alright. So what did Swede have to say?” CR: “Oh, it was a rambling message, sort of unintelligible, so very hard to know exactly.” BV: “Damn, you thought you’d help me out by listening to my message and then didn’t figure out what it was about? But, OK, I’ll listen to it myself now. [Pushes play button, “You have no messages”]. Christine, what happened to the message?” CR: “Oh silly me, I must have hit the wrong button and maybe it got erased. Your answering machine is so different from mine that I wasn’t really sure what button to press. But I’m sure it was nothing. [Reaching over to pull the towel loose.] Anyway, I think I know how to get rid of your bad mood.”

Jim Rome: .... fact checker Mary assures me that Incontangible is now a word. Incontangible is a word. We are going to talk more about the iincontangiblous situation at Eastern Washington University. Before we get into the new allegations, however, and they are mindblowing. The nrew allegations will blow your mind. Before we get into those new allegations however it has come to the attention of this sports commentator that Eastern Washington head coach Kirk Vandergrub has besmeeched my spotless reputation as a sports commentateror by claiming that since i was never a professional athlete that my opinion doesn't matter. Did Chick Hearn ever play in the NBA? No, Chick Hearn did not play in the NBA. I repeat. Kirk Vandermug hates Chick Hearn because he did not play in the NBA. Did Bob Costas ever ski down a mountain in the Olympics? Bob Costas did not ski down a mountain in the Olympics. Coach Kirk Vandermutt hates Bob Costas because he did not ski down a mountain in the Olympics. How low can this guy go? I mean really. Lower he can not go. Did Scooter Rizzuto play professional baseball? Scooter Rizzuto did not play progessional baseball. Check that, Scooter Rizzuto did play professional baseball..thank you, Mary. Kirk Vandergarden hates Scooter Rizzuto because he played professional baseball. Shameful, just shameful. Kirk Vandergrub...hates...Scooter Rizzuto. As bad. check that..monstrous as that is...we haven't even gotten to the new allegations yet. We ... Haven't....gotten to the new allegations yet. Back in a miinute..check that 2 and a half minutes. I'm Jim Rome....Rome is burning.... (Copied from posting by CoachC in Wolverine Studios forums) Wayne (EWU basketball fan): Go home, Jim Rome, you're drunk! (Copied with minor revision from posting by Wayne23 in Wolverine Studios forums) J.M.D. (EWU basketball fan): Hey Swede, if you need an assistant, here's my cell number, because I'll tell you what, Bret Vandergard's done NOTHING for you lately! (Copied with minor revision from posting by JMD in Wolverine Studios forums) Jim Rome: Wayne, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! Besides, I can't go home... i wandered around and got stuck in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Can you come pick me up? Copied from posting by CoachC in Wolverine Studios forums) Wayne (EWU basketball fan): Eek! No way am I goin' ta Tuscaloosa. I avoid the Confederacy whenever possible. I hear they play country music down there. You did see that double blind study out of Michigan State that demonstrated very clearly that country music kills brain cells right? How about the follow up? It showed even more clearly that listening to country while watching Nascar can very quickly lead to Cranial Sphincter syndrome. (Copied from posting by Wayne23 in Wolverine Studios forums) Jim Rome: We are back live....check that. we aren't back yet? {waits another 10 seconds). Jim Rome, we are back live. In our first half hour we revealed how Eastern Washington head coach Kirk Vonnegut hates Scooter Rizzuto, as if he didn't have enough problems already. Kirk Vonnegut..hates...Scooter Rizzuto! In the next 1/2 hour we'll be talking about the new allegations concerning the beleaguered coach and his program. As has been previously reported. Coach Kiki Vandeweghe of Eastern Washington University had intentionally placed Washington politician Christine Rozniak's bid for a seat in the Washington state assembly by repeatedly making untoward advances to her and forcefully dragging her into his teams locker room in front of reliable witnesses, check that. beer vendors. In s phone conversation I had with Ms. Rozniak this afternoon, she confirmed all allegations..check that...she refused to deny all allegations...check that...she hung up on me...check that, she hung up on Mary. Repeating this breaking news. Christine Rozniak, Washington politician, hates Scooter Rizzuto and his wife, Mary..check that, she hates Scooter Rizzuto, his wife, and Mary, but confirms by not denying the allegations against Eastern Washington head coach Kurt Vandercamp. I know, I know...you are already reeling. You...are reeling. But wait. Check that...Wait!. We're just getting to the good stuff. We're ...waiting....for the good stuff. A source close to this impramatcal pundit revealed earlier today..that just moments...check that...seconds...before 6'9" forward Chris Lewis , a red chip..check that , blue chip recruit from Portland, Oregon signed his letter of intent with the Maryland Terrapins this fall, young Mr. Lewis recieved a phone call from EWU staff offering him a car and two garages...check that...2 cars and a garage....check that..a car and two cheerleaders. Our indereputable source further revealed that EWU assistant Larry "The Gooch" Montgomery once attended a class and cheated off of during a test none other than Chris Lewis' father's cousin during a business ethics class in junior college. What more proof do you need of tampering? To recap. Kiki Vandewegh hates Phil Rizzuto but loves to chase and ruin the reputation of female politicians, and hired an assistant specifically because he thought it would give him an inside edge on a blue chip recruit, then authorized "The Gooch" to offer Mr. Lewis 3 cars and the entire cheerleading squad. How much more has to go on in northeastern America before the NCAA checks in? THe NCAA needs to get off their butts and check in. I'm Jim Rome. In the 2nd hour we'll be talking with Shaquille O'Neil's gynecologist. I'm Jim Rome....Rome is burning. (Copied from posting by CoachC in Wolverine Studios Forums) Wayne (EWU basketball fan): Jim, I think if we're discussing "Hall of Famer" (what a freakin' farce) Scooter Rizzuto we must add the word "allegedly" to the phrase "played major league baseball." (Copied with minor revision from posting by Wayne23 in Wolverine Studios Forums) AP News Release: The estate of renowned science fiction writer, Kurt Vonnegut, who passed away in 2007, has been receiving much unexplained hate mail from disgruntled Yankees fans, most of whom seem to be under the impression that Mr. Vonnegut is still alive, according to an estate spokeswoman. "We are totally perplexed, but we wish they would stop." (Copied from posting by CoachC in Wolverine Studios forums) Jim Rome: hey, Rizzuto was a Yankme...everyone but the Babe and Gehrig are "alledgedly" (Copied from post by CoachC in Wolverine Studios forum) Torbern “Swede” Olaffson, Athletic Director: Bret Vandergard's Voicemail from Swede: "Dammit, Bret, pick up! What the hell is going on? I hired you because I had faith that you could take this program to the next level and all of sudden I'm being inundated with calls from reporters and boosters day and night. None of it makes any sense to me, but what few intelligible syllables I've been able to get out of anyone is that we are about to be investigated by the NCAA? WHAT? What the hell is going on Bret? My ulcers can't take this...be in my office at 8 tomorrow and start explaining! (Copied from posting by CoachC in Wolverine Studios forums)

Jamal Smith, 1st Asst Coach (recruiting): We’ve got a pretty decent list of recruits who’ve shown interest in us, but as you know we don’t have any scholarships to offer this year. But I decide to float an idea to Coach V. My idea is for us to cut a couple players as soon as our season concludes to open scholarships. We then could make a late blitzkrieg attack on the remaining available recruits in April and probably pick up some players who could boost us next year much more than the players we cut. And even if we aren’t able to fill the scholarships, we could go after some high-quality transfer players. Coach V hears me out. He agrees that my idea would likely work to our advantage next year. He tells me he appreciates the fact that I’m coming up with some good ideas and he’s really tempted to try it, but that he’s not comfortable cutting players to whom the school has made a commitment to gain a short-term advantage. He tells me he knows I’ve worked hard this year on recruiting and can understand how I’d like to get some payback for our program. But he says, “Just look at this year as one that is laying a strong foundation. Jamal, we’ll get our chance next year to pull in some good new recruits.” I’m disappointed that we can’t nail down a couple good recruits this year, but also appreciate Coach V’s intent on honoring commitments. I know he's taking heat for how the team has played thus far, but he's not going to take short cuts toward success.

Torbern “Swede” Olaffson, Athletic Director: Ouch! I’m getting my butt toasted after the latest loss by our men’s basketball squad. Both alumni and students were enthused when I hired a new coach several months ago. (Hell, even my wife is asking why I hired a guy with no head coaching experience.) But there now is a segment of both groups that are not only disappointed by the Eagles’ play but are contacting road and roofing companies and chicken ranches to see if there is enough tar and feathers for both me and Coach Vandergard. Thus far the administration has not joined the acrimony, but more home losses (especially to bad teams like Weber State) are likely to have them become part of the “Lynch Olaffson and Vandegard” brigade. I haven’t said anything to Brett yet since I know he inherited a cesspool, but I might have to have some discussions with him soon. The defense in the past two games has simply been atrocious. I decide to call a friend who I know has worked with a lot of head coaches (I’ll simply identify him by his nickname, “PointGuard”) to see what he thinks. He pulls no punches when he tells me he’s been keeping track of the Eagles (and has even seen a few of our games), and while he’s worked with a lot of coaches who had some tough first years, this year’s EWU Eagles squad has to be the worst team he’s ever seen in his many years of following basketball and working with head coaches. But he says, “Hey, you might as well just write this year off and see what Vandergard can do to improve the team next year. Yeah, you’re gonna take heat, but put on your nomex suit and you’ll be OK. A few singed tail feathers never hurt anybody.” I hang up and decide to take the afternoon off so I’ll have plenty time to deplete my liquor cabinet.

Potato-Pickin’-Paul, “Eagle Flight” blog: Game #16, Jan. 13, 2014: Weber State Wildcats (3-12, 1-3) at Eastern Washington Eagles (4-11, 2-2) Hey, Eagles fans, we finally had a foe over which we were favored to win. Weber State came into this game, not only with a worse record that the Eagles have, but the Wildcats had been annihilated by good teams. They started out the season with 5 lop-sided losses, before getting a big win while playing at St. Johns, but their other two wins were at home against weak teams. Their guards had carried the offensive load. Weber State came out blazing though, hitting 7 of their first 9 shots (including 4 of 5 from beyond the arc) to jump out to a 21-7 lead with 13:10 left in the half. The Eagles fought back but couldn’t overtake the Wildcats, due to Weber State hitting 61% of their FG attempts and knocking down six 3-pointers. When the buzzer sounded Eastern Washington trailed 42-38. Shawn Jackson led the Eagles’ scoring with 9 points. EWU persistently tried to cut the lead but Weber State held them off (as EWU’s defense continued to be porous) until the Eagles tied it at 65-65 with 7:53 left in the game. The Eagles and Wildcats exchanged the lead from there on but ultimately the refs took EWU out of the game by calling repeated fouls against EWU allowing Weber State to pull ahead in the final minute of play. Final Score: Weber State (4-12, 2-3)—80, Eastern Washington (4-12, 2-3, 5th place tie). Weber State scored 8 more points at the free throw line. This was a very disappointing home loss and a game they should have won. Eastern Washington’s leading players: C Joseph Palmer-19 pts, 2 reb, 1 assist, 2 steals; SG Shawn Jackson-11 pts, 2 reb, 3 assists, 1 steal; PG Tim Dove-9 pts, 2 reb, 1 assist, 1 steal; PF Cory Davis-9 pts, 1 reb, 1 assist, 2 steals. Player of the Game: Weber State’s PG Ed Jones-13 pts, 6 assists, 5 steals.

Jamal Smith, 1st Asst Coach: Some may wonder what I, as the recruiting coach, am doing since we have no scholarships to offer this year. I’ve been helping out more with practice, and even with some scouting, than I likely would have been able to do in a normal year in which we were offering scholarships. That’s been both fun and a good learning process for me. But Coach V also has had me doing some typical recruiting activities. Talking with high school coaches and players to get known and to become familiar with schools, towns and cities, and what appeals to high school (and JC) basketball players in the Pacific Northwest. That should grease the skids next year when recruiting activities really count. A number of high schoolers have become interested in Eastern Washington. I’ve then been upfront with those players that we don’t have a scholarship to offer this year so they can focus on schools that have scholarships opening. That development of interest gives me hope that we can be successful next year. My wife is enjoying her job at the nearby Air Force base and our 3 kids have assimilated well. We all miss not being near the rest of our family though. Coach V is getting pressure from some fronts due to our losing record, but he’s handling it well. He’s very knowledgeable and a good leader, so I think we’ll see a big improvement next year as our guys become more familiar with his offensive and defensive sets and in-game tactics. Overall our guards continue to be our weak link thus far, but they’re young so it’s not surprising. Goober, well I guess you probably know him better as Assistant Coach Kevin Gebbers, has been working closely with our guards in practice. But there’s such a big learning curve for them on running our offense that it’s definitely been frustrating for Goober. Other teams have really be taking advantage of their lack of experience.

Larry Montgomery, 2nd asst coach: Game #15, Jan. 10, 2014: Eastern Washington Eagles (4-10, 2-1) at Northern Colorado Bears (6-8, 2-1) SG Shawn Jackson jammed his wrist in practice. The medical staff says he can play, but Delawn West will start in his place and Shawn’s on court time will be limited tonight. Northern Colorado has been very inconsistent thus far and haven’t shot well, but they’ve played some shut-down defense recently. Our defense sucked in the first half as we let the Bears hit 62% of their shots. That combined with 15 turnovers and the refs calling 14 fouls against us resulted in a 42-21 halftime deficit. Joseph Palmer was our top scorer with 7 points. We made a few mini-runs in the 2nd half but never could get closer than 14 points. Final Score: Northern Colorado (7-8, 2-2)—81, Eastern Washington (4-11, 2-2, 4th place tie)—65. Although we shot well (58%), poor defense (letting Northern Colorado make 60% of their shots), poor rebounding (22-16 disadvantage), and too many turnovers (18) kept us from making this a ballgame. Eastern Washington’s leading players: PF Cory Davis-14 pts, 2 reb; C Joseph Palmer-13 pts, 3 reb, 1 block; SF Joe Blackwell-8 pts, 2 reb. Player of the Game: Northern Colorado’s C Terrance Morris-12 pts, 9 reb, 5 assists, 1 steal, 2 blocks.