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#1

Posted May 21, 2017 - 09:33 AM

EXXEO

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This is a thread to get a bit creative. Develop your team characters (including a coach if you so wish) based off of pre-game comments or post-game press box statements. Have fun and good luck!

#2

Posted May 21, 2017 - 12:22 PM

EXXEO

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"We are here live at the season 19 Game Plan Hockey draft, Boy has it been a good one so far Tim!"

"Yeah Joe, the draft has been a deep one full of great talent. Oh, and it looks like the #20 Overall pick from Slaughterville Savage Storm is in, let's head down to Commissoner Granberg to see who they went for after drafting a great Goalie in the 1st Round!"

"For the 20th pick of the Season 19 Game Plan Hockey Draft the Savage Storm select Goalie, Cory Fulmer."

"Wait Tim, they chose who?"

"Yeah Joe, they took another goalie who was slated to be the 167th pick. This is a real shocker - what were they thinking?"

"Tim, look over at their planning suite, their GM, O'Connor, is sound asleep on the couch - this is not a good look for them as they have already been struggling to keep alive in the GHL."

"Boy oh boy - what a crappy pick - they really just flushed that one down the toilet!"

"Yup, I think one of their fans just set their mascot on fire out of pure rage - I'd hate to be in their GM's shoes when he wakes up- ouch!"

#3

Posted May 27, 2017 - 09:38 AM

EXXEO

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Savage Storm Game 3 Post Game Presser:

"Coach Rueger, How does it feel to suck so bad?"

"Thanks for the well thought out question, Chuck. This has been our worst season start of our career and frankly it sucks. I know our guys are eager to get out there but we need to sit down and re-evaluate some things because we're not scoring."

"Coach, are you affraid of losing your job after this season's 3 shutout start and coming off of several back-to-back 14th place finishes?"

"Wow Ted, we are three days in and you guys already want to can me? I really just want to focus on what we are doing right and fix the things we see on tape. We have a long road ahaead of us and that's my focus."

"Slaughterville just released their defenseman, Evanoff, days after being signed to a two year contract. What the heck happened there?"

"We found out he was a Justin Bieber fan and we really want to keep our team cohesive. It's a shame that people keep secrets like that but I'm sure there is a team out there that would be more than happy to sign a Bieber fan - probably an Edgewood or Canada Creek type of team."

"That makes sense coach - that's a relief to hear we found that out early in the season!"

"Thanks for the questions guys - I have a MASH re-run to catch."

#4

Posted May 27, 2017 - 01:45 PM

TheWeekKnights

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"Coach, you're 4 games in, how's the team look?" 

 

"Well, Jerry, it's too early to tell.  We could have some budding stars, especially at goaltender, but we definitely need more production out of our veterans."

 

"You've had a bit of controversy recently.  Tell me about that." 

 

"Larry, it's still developing, but our assistant captain Ilja Bulla has looked slow, sloppy, and hasn't recorded a point yet.  We looked into it and found he's eating a bucket of fried chicken just before the start of each game.  It's sending the wrong message, and he's been stripped of the 'A' and benched for the game today."

 

"Homestyle or extra crispy?" 

 

"Jerry, I just don't see how that's a valid hockey question.  But homestyle.  I had to...confiscate it."  

 

"How was it?"

 

"Delicious, Terry.  Just phenomenal."  



#5

Posted May 28, 2017 - 01:06 AM

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"Coach, you're five games into season 19 and have been performing quite sub-par compared to your near promotion through the playoffs last season. Any thoughts?"

 

"We're working on it. Our team has a lot of young guys trying to make names for themselves and needs to sort things out."

 

"Speaking of arrogant young guys, what is going on with your list of goalies? You've got five of them, they're all in their 20's, and even worse is that they all have the worst personalities imaginable! How do you deal with a bunch of egocentric agitators at the goalie position?"

 

"It's quite entertaining really. Our backup goalie, Giger, taunts the opposing team relentlessly from the bench. On top of that, our starter, Cvejn, has gotten in his sixth fight already. That kid's got quite the arm."

 

"Six fights!? As a goalie!? We're only five games in!"

 

"Oh you must've misunderstood. Those six fights were just last game. He's probably closer to twenty or thirty fights on the season."

 

"Absolute madness! Only thing worse is if you make that punk a captain!"

 

"Wow, you really are full of good ideas. Heck, let me go do that right now!"

 

"You can't be serious. Wait, where are you going? Hey, come back here!"



#6

Posted July 12, 2017 - 03:55 PM

GregJ

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The Coquitlam Tribune

 

Savage Storm upend Timberwolves 5-2

 

SLAUGHTERVILLE, OK. The Savage Storm handily beat the visiting team last night, and boy was it a rough one. Credited with 23 hits, the home team spanked the Coquitlam Timberwolves on the boards and in the corners, and skated away from most of the physical play initiated by the visitors. After the first period, the Storm took a one goal lead and ground out the last two periods to a 5-2 final score.

 

Storm defenseman Lucas Calello shared the team lead of 3 hits last night and pitched in with a helper. "It's nice to be able to contribute on the gamesheet, but I feel better about beating on those wimpy SHL wannabees." 

 

'Wolves backup goalie Joen Berg put on a brave face after the game, having let 5 out of 35 shots get by him. "Coach let me know with 10 minutes to go that I'd be playing, and I guess I just couldn't find my angles in time." Shortly after the buzzer sounded, Berg's twitter account listed a post that read, "Hey @BergerFries -- I found you this protractor goo.gl/ZzHVZs. Luv Mum."

 

While the Coquitlam coach was quick to get on the bus to their next game at Pinehurst -- a 1,200 mile trip -- their assistant manager, Notta H. Uman, was happy to comment on the game. "The team had some tactical difficulties offensively against our opponent's defence. The opponent's defense and goalie was superior to our team's goal scoring in today's game. The opponent's defense was superior to our team's offense in today's game. The body checking of our opponent's offense was superior to our team's defense in today's game." The guy did not shut up. "At least the team did very well tactically during powerplay against our opponent's penalty killing." Also, the Wolves did not score one powerplay goal.

 

The Storm's coach liked their compete level. "I think that we..." The rest of his statement was boring and had five spelling errors.

 

The Timberwolves play the Razorbacks at 12am tonight. Maybe we'll think about broadcasting it.



#7

Posted July 13, 2017 - 01:24 AM

EXXEO

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That was awesome - laughed out loud in several spots!

#8

Posted July 13, 2017 - 09:34 PM

Baden

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@Gregj tooooooooo funny!



#9

Posted July 27, 2017 - 01:51 PM

EXXEO

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"Welcome back to Channel 3 WSOS, the first place for Slaugterville news. We now head over to Tom Brokliball for our weekly 'Storm Chaser' spotlight."

Thanks Gina Wigbag, after losing every pre-season match the new coach of the Slaugterville Savage Storm, Benjamin Button, thought it may be helpful to give the squad some extra incentive. The entire staff and players (including GM O'Connor) signed a pact that everyone would shave their heads and grow the biggest fu Manchu mustache they could if they lost back-to-back matches again in the season. In last nights game versus the Prarie City Steer, their 45 game streak came to an end. A 1-4 beat down has forced a mass exodus of head hair to leave the stadium. Immediately following the loss every member went out on the ice and was shaven down by their mascot, Savage Scottie. Here's a video clip of what star player, Massimo English, had to say after they cut his 56 inches of hair off."

" That was just demoralizing. Not only did we lose badly at home but then we had to all get our hair chopped off in public. I've been working on my silky hair for 22 years! While it sucks, I think it has given us more team unity and I encourage the whole city to join us as we begin this last stretch of an incredible season."

"Wow, how did he fit all that hair under the helmet? Women were not excluded from the deal and they are also required to don fake fu Manchu mustaches when in the building. A stunning 3,065 pounds of hair were shipped off to locks of love where many a donation recipient will be grateful. Word on the street says that Savage Scottie will also be removing his long locks and trimming up his sea beard to support the team. For Captain Robert Docker the facial hair growth was never an issue as he has had a moustache since he was 6." (Photo blips up) To support our team I've decided to chop my beautifully waxed newsman hair right here and now!"

"Me too Tom!" (Yells from Gina in the background)."

(Clipper noises fire up from everywhere on the set)

"Thanks for that riveting report Tom (while he talks on camera a set hand cuts his hair off). In other news, 5 lions escaped the local Slaugterville Funtastic Zoo and killed 56 Steer fans exiting the stadium last night. What a shame. Thanks for joining us tonight, and as always 'work hard and support our storm'. For WSOS, this is Butch Johnsonfelter signing off, have a great night."

(Hair clippings fly everywhere and as the camera zooms out all three have no hair and don fu manchu moustaches)

Attached Files



#10

Posted August 22, 2017 - 11:23 PM

EXXEO

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An Article out of the Slaughterville Sea-Affair Newspaper: 

 

After the Slaughterville Savage Storm's GM went missing for two weeks, the Coast Guard finally found him washed up on a beach in Miami. His comment stated that he got stranded off of the Island of Key West after taking a canoe to explore the untamed sea while away on a business convention there on the Island before the season began. "Boy it's good to be back! I fought off sharks and a giant octopus names Yzerman but I survived by jamming my paddle in his eye and then I ate it! I hit some wicked storm that swirled me around out there for over a week and then I blacked out. I don't remember the rest." O'Connor was treated at Miami's top medical center and they concluded that he had severe heat stroke at some point and was delusional most his time at sea. They really have no idea how he survived in a canoe or what he actually ate. He was found clothed only in a loin cloth made of sea weed and shark skin. "I was born to be at sea - let's get this team back on track for the rest of the season so I can head back out there and be victorious again!" Medical advisors recommended he stay away from any form of open water for at least 8 years. He was found the next day in the same canoe paddling in circles around his pool yelling, "I'll find you Yzerman and I will take your other eye for betraying me you giant, stinky octopus!" It's good to have you back - we hope!



#11

Posted September 20, 2017 - 03:24 PM

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"Wayne Starblazer here, were back with live post-game updates and we now go to Andrea Killer in the Savage Storm locker room with goalie, Aaron Keene."

"Thanks Wayne. Aaron, the Storm were relegated last season from the GHL but the team had high hopes of getting back in this season as the squad that finished so well las season hadn't changed at all. This now marks an 0-3 start to the season, what's happening from your perspective?"

"You know Andrea, it's a bit of a mystery to us as well. Statistically we're playing well. We know we have some work to do on our power play and penalty kill but the squad is feeling good about what's to come."

"We noticed that Sauvage-Abenaquis left a bit early from the bench today - that combined with his average 8.8 GAA has a lot of people concerned. Is he doing ok?"

"The team doesn't know one hundred percent what is going on with Gabriele but what I can tell you is that he has never been the same since we had our pre-season match with Coquitlam. Even in the GHL he was averaging an above .900 Save % and the last time we were in the SHL he was one of the best goalies in the league so we have our suspicions. I did see their Center, Deslaurier, pick up his water bottle while there was a scuffle in front of the net. It may have been a diversion that gave him an opportunity to slip something into his drink. GPH authorities are looking into the occupancy as we speak. That's all I can say about the matter. We hope he feels better soon. We need him back at full strength very soon."

"Wow, terrifying news! Thanks Aaron and best of luck to Gabrielle's recovery. Back to you Wayne."

"Those *#%^~+, who do they...oh yes, thank you too Andrea... and now over to Brock Longbottom on Slaughterville's next matchup against Pinehurst."

#12

Posted September 25, 2017 - 12:03 AM

EXXEO

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A BREAKING NEWS FLASH!

"Welcome, this is Butch Sacktooth here at the Storm Update center and we have just received word from the Slaughterville court justice that there will be a counter investigation into the injury of Coquitlam Center, Deslaurier. The letter states that Coquitlam expected foul play as just days prior to the injury the Storm had requested a drugging investigation in concurrence to Sauvage-Abenaquis extensive nausea and poor play following the two team's pre-game match back in mid September. At the team's first regular season match Deslaurier suffered a crippling 37 day upper body injury. No significant proof was found against Deslaurier or Coquitlam but this new finding does make this turn of events quite peculiar. We will keep you updated as new information trickles in."

#13

Posted November 20, 2017 - 02:03 PM

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RIVERSDALE'S FLOWING NEWS
Goldminer's ex-fans angry!

The imminent promotion of the recently re-located Riversdale T-Birds, the city's IHL team, hasn't just made the team's new fan base happy, it has also left fans and the community in Boykin devastated.
The Boykin town hall had just approved new plans for the city arena, including updates to the press room and some new seating area and lounge, but the team owners and the BHL didn't think it would be enough for a team of that caliber.
"We're so @#$%¥₩%$##" declared the official fan club, people who, for the last five years or so,had grown attached to some of the players, including Labrie, Shane 'E'Leven, Mocka and even (then and still) young hopeful now in the AHL3, V.Masharin. They will also never forget defensive player M.Lesperance. "His name means hope in french, and that's what he gave us, as fans" declared long time fan JC Misere.
"They all left in a hurry, for this new building, and league, even the farm teams. We're only left with a junior team (Boykin Batmen), and this old and soon to be improved city arena" declared city official Bill Waltzmen in reaction to the events.
The Riversdale T-Birds are 1st in the IHL, 36-2-1-5 with 16 games left to play, holding a 29 points advance over 3rd place.

Fred Longpre

Riversdale Heroes BHL Clapper


#14

Posted November 21, 2017 - 01:31 PM

flowbish1

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RIVERSDALE'S FLOWING NEWS
V.Masharin lasches at management.

After yesterday's shocking trade of long time hopeful and first overall draftee of current ownership FWD Valerei Masharin, he had a lot to get off his chest.
"They always prefer french-canadian or north american in this team, never russian. Me never got the chance to play my style, it was always go-go hit the players, dump the puck."
Team representant and PR director, Pierre-Luc Desgranges told the media that "We always want players with character that can skate. We thought at the time that he would evolve into that kind of player, but obviously we had other elements in our locker room that were better suited for the job to do, and wish him good luck"
Valerei Masharin was traded to the IHL Southside Spartans, along the IHL 1st round pick obtained from the New Haven Colonel, which will certainly become an IIHL 1st round, given that team's IHL ranking.
The Riversdale T-Birds received in that trade the Spartans's IHL 1st round pick. With the earlier trade from the Skyline in the pre-season, they now own 2 first round pick from the 4 teams that now sit in contention for playoffs in the IHL,and that with 13 games to play. Should one or both these teams make it to the BHL, the T-Birds would be very happy for this year draft.Along with their own IHL 1st round pick becoming a BHL one, they could have up to 3 players chosen in that BHL 1st round. That would certainly help them down the road, should they choose wisely.

Fred Longpre

Riversdale Heroes BHL Clapper





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